


When a Life is Taken

by BubbleDramatically



Category: High Hopes Low Rolls (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Connor and Cara Whitlaw are twins, F/M, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Padark, Paddark, Ronan Whitlaw can't make jokes, Sibling Bonding, Whump, ehhhhh, like in the first chapter, there's fluff at some point i promise, this is just depressing huh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:33:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23767762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BubbleDramatically/pseuds/BubbleDramatically
Summary: When Ronan Whitlaw is shot and killed with an arrow while protecting his brothers the Whitlaws are tasked with the great deed of moving on, which is easier said than done. They learn to cherish every moment with each other once again, for this time there won't be a second chance to fix what happened.
Relationships: Brianna Whitlaw/Seamus Whitlaw, Cara Whitlaw & Connor Whitlaw, Paddock "Paddy" Whitlaw & Ronan Whitlaw & Cara Whitlaw & Connor Whitlaw, Paddock "Paddy" Whitlaw/Malark Dundragon (Mentioned)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	1. Blow Us All Away

**Author's Note:**

> (TW IN THE TAGS)
> 
> So I was listening to the soundtrack from Hamilton when I got to the last eight songs and if I closed my eyes I could clearly imagine the Whitlaws in place for the Hamiltons. These chapters will be based off the songs rather loosely, but I'll still put each chapter title as the song title. We will have Blow Us All Away, Stay Alive (reprise), It's Quiet Uptown, The Election of 1800, Your Obedient Servant, The World was Wide enough, and finally, Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story.
> 
> If you're a Hamilton fan then you've probably braced yourself for this, I'm the fucking author and I'm tearing up while I write all this.
> 
> And context; In this fix the Whitlaws were separated but none died, even though I know that Seamus (Paddocks dad) is confirmed to have died before Paddy joined Monroe's by the DM Jenny, but for the sake of fanfiction he will be alive! Years have passed, Hydracil and Tiamat have been defeated, High Hopes are praised as heroes, Malark and Paddy finally got their shit together and are dating, Bay Hollow has been rebuilt, and all is well. I mean, it don't stay well obviously, you see them tags!! But still, the meaning is there. I also mix Connor and Ronan up a few times, I'll continue rereading to make sure I got them all clear!

When Ronan had awakened that morning it felt like a heavyweight was placed on his shoulders. He didn't know why but something inside him felt wrong, like with each second, each minute, each hour that ticked by an invisible timer was clicking away and at any second it wound run out. Like an hourglass reaching the last specs of sand in the top as they poured through the curve and into the lower portion of the glass. Suddenly he realized how many things he had left to do, how many things he wanted to do. Anxiety sparked in his heart for an unknown reason and his daily tasks went by as quickly as he could get them done.

His family had taken notice to his much quicker pace and when asked where he was rushing to he'd only say "I don't know." and continue with his work. When he finally finished everything done he still had hours until he was meant to have finished everything and now much more free time than anticipated.

As if chains had wrapped their way around his heart and pulled tight, tears blurred his vision as he darted towards the lounge where his mother and father could normally be found. Not even bothering to knock and ask for approval he stumbled forward and pushed the door open, tripping over his own to feet and falling to the ground with a loud yelp. From their spots on the couch his parents jumped up and spun around, when they saw their eldest son on his knees and tears rolling down his face their fighting stances dropped and they rushed to his side with concerned faces.

The minute his mother was close enough he flung himself into her arms, wrapping his arms around her torso and pulling her close. Brianna and Seamus traded a confused glance till a sob echoed from their son, their child. Lowering Ronan and herself to the ground carefully she wrapped her arms around her son and held him like she did when he was a child and had a nightmare. Seamus was already at their sides, wrapping his arm around the two and holding his wife and son close.

Ronan was at a loss for words when his parents asked why he came to them crying, admitting he just felt like he needed to and that he couldn't understand why he had cried.

When he had run into his younger brother and sister, Paddock and Cara, he gave them both the tightest hugs he could and told them how much he loved them and that he was so proud of the two of them. His goodbye was like that of one a soldier would say to his family before leaving and brought confusion and fear to the two siblings. He just laughed and hugged them once again,

_"I'm not going anywhere."_

He said. If only that had been true.

The next person he had run into was his younger brother's romantic partner (He didn't like calling them boyfriends, saying it sounded weird to call them that after they'd been together for so long. _"Boyfriend is what you call someone in your younger years, you're full-grown adults!"_ ) Malark Dundragon, a man who had much grown since he'd first met him. When he met Malark he was a young edgy teenager that had stolen the heart of his baby brother. Now, Malark was an adult man and significantly less edgy than his younger years.

He had spotted Malark on his way to the stables to find his younger brother Connor, Cara's twin. He had stopped the man and placed an arm on his shoulder, staring directly into his eyes much the same he had done with Paddy when he left to join Monroe's carnival. He smiled and told him he was an amazing man and he was honored to have Malark as a part of his family. He asked him to make his brother happy and to treasure him for the rest of their lives.

Malark was instantly worried, he had heard those types of words too much from his close party members before a dangerous and deadly battle.

_"Can't an elf say something nice to his family without being asked if he'll die? I'm not going anywhere."_

Does it count as a lie when you truly believe it to be the truth?

His family had a garden at the back of their manor, multiple trees and flowers were blooming but what was probably the single most beautiful spot in the entire garden was the little stone bench the had that sat right under a large tree that constantly grew autumn colored flowers. All of the trees in Bay Hollow grew orange, yellow, and red. They were perpetually stuck in autumn, whether it be by climate or magic.

That stone bench under the tree is where most paintings of the family were done. In the foyer there was a painting of his mom, dad, sister, brothers, and himself at that bench. There were also pictures around the house taken at the bench, from his mom and dads wedding photos, photos of her with her children and when she was pregnant, ones of just her children sitting on the bench with silly faces, and of course one when Malark had been added to the Whitlaws.

The walk across the garden was quick, normally he'd stop to admire the beautiful surroundings but when the ever-looming feeling of dread wrapped it's clawed hands around you and the imaginary timer ticking in Ronans rang louder and louder he didn't waste time stopping.

Although, would it truly be a waste of time to stop and admire the world around you during your last moments on earth?

He was at the stables within minutes and almost instantly he spotted his younger brother tending to the horses. Catching Connor's attention with the call of his name he exited out the horse stall and grabbed a towel to wipe his hands up, walking up to Ronan with a grin. Ronan didn't instantly go on his whole "I'm so proud of you." talk, instead of asking about the horses, how his brother was feeling, and how much of his job he had done.

Connor had finally stopped and turned to his brother,

_"You don't just come down to the stables to ask me how my day is, that's far out of way from your daily tasks... What's up?"_

Connor had always noticed things easily, he didn't always bring them up immediately but he paid attention to the small details. But either way he was right, his work mainly revolved around the house, not by the stables. Pausing for a moment, Ronan did feel the need, to be honest. Honest about what, he didn't know.Explaining everything, from waking up in a panic to crying to their parents. Connor just followed along, nodding his head.

_"Everyone asks if I'm dying, I don't plan on dying today!"_

Ronan tried to make jokes, although they weren't ever his specialty. Connor gives him a playful _'You need to just stop'_ look and rakes his fingers through his hair. They talked about Ronan and his sense of impending doom, and after a minute of silence Ronan finally tells his brother just how proud he is of him.

_"Well no wonder people think you're dying! You say it like that you're gonna get SOME reaction, bloody hell."_

_"I'm not dying!"_

He wasn't meant to die, their target wasn't Ronan. Years can go by, but feelings don't. They had been targets of assassination in the past, it wouldn't be shocking of someone that the party had angered in the past tried to end their lives.

Ronan walked through the outskirts of Bay Hollow with his brothers, a horse had gotten spooked and runoff and the brothers were tasked with finding it. The three of them called out for the horse, Paddy tried making _"pspspspspspspsp"_ calls, earning a _"He's a horse, Paddock! Not a fecking cat!"_ From Connor.

In the distance Paddy had spotted the stallion not too far from them and called out to the horse. He had begun to ran towards the horse when Ronan spotted something out of the corner of his eye.

An archer, perched up in the trees. The glint off the head of their arrow had caught his attention.

When he saw the archer, arrow pulled back and aiming at his younger brother, his legs responded quicker than his brain could think and he was already running for his brother. He pushed Paddy to the side right in the nick of time for his brother to survive, except he was _hit_.

The arrow had struck him right between his ribs and in the seconds it was lodged in his body he spotted the hints of purplish poison that laced the arrowhead. Before he could even reach for it it had already fizzled out of thin air and he was badly bleeding from a small yet deadly hole in his gut.

His knees buckled beneath him and he hit the ground with a thud, closing his eyes for what felt like just a second to opening them and seeing the worried faces of his brothers. He could hear muffled yelling, the sound of another body hitting the floor, and then his eyes closed again. When they opened his face was wet and he felt hot and sweaty. His body ached and skin burned like fire. Looking up he saw Connors face, he realized that his brother was holding him between him and the neck of a horse while riding as fast as they could through the forest. The wetness was the tears that had dripped down Connors face and onto his.

He closed his eyes again.

* * *

_Sunlight poured through the window of the nursery as Brianna peeked through the crack in the door._

_Inside was her husband holding his son in his arms, the small baby giggled and reached for his father who rocked back and forth in the rocking chair with him. Seamus hummed a calming tune to his child, whispering and mumbling the words to baby Ronan._

_Happy tears filled her eyes and a smile as bright as the sun spread across Brianna's face when she just barely heard the song her husband was singing to his son._

_"And you'll blow us all away, somedayyy... Somedayyy...."_


	2. Stay Alive (Reprise)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Ronan hits the ground Connor must hurry Ronan on horseback to the doctor while Paddock deals with the archer who shot him. Seamus and Brianna rush to their son the second they catch wind of the attack, and while Ronan fights for every second of his life his time truly runs out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehhhhhhhhhh my heartttttttt-
> 
> I'll be honest, cried while writing this. This chapter is based on "Stay Alive (Reprise)", the 17th song in Act 2 of Hamilton and the 40th song overall. It is also probably one of the hardest songs to listen to I'll be honest, makes me cry every time.
> 
> Once again, don't come for my head I beg! I'm gonna TRY to update this every day, no promises though. If it isn't every day then it'll be every other day! Enjoy reading!

Seamus Whitlaw expected his sons to come back home with a horse, maybe a little dirty from venturing through the forest that surrounded Bay Hollow but alive and unharmed. That's how he expected his sons to arrive.

Walking through the streets of Bay Hollow, he didn't expect to see two of his sons charge past him on the missing horse. It had taken him a second to register the unconscious Ronan that Connor was holding, and even longer to notice the trail of blood left in their path. When it finally did hit him he took off running in their direction, it was in the direction of the healers and if one of them, or even both, were hurt then they'd be heading that way.

Fear, horror, concern, and sadness all wrung at his heart and made him dizzy. Stumbling over himself he made it to the doctors he spotted the same horse his sons had ridden on outside and his throat ran dry. Pushing open the door to the healer's office he spotted Connor on his knees, blood coating his hands and torso.

A chill ran through his spine and that seemed to shake off any shock he had. He quickly ran to Connor, dropping to a crouched position in front of his son.

_"What happened?"_

That was a question not even Connor fully knew the answer to, what _had_ happened? One minute they were laughing, joking, playfully shoving each other around and the next Connor was holding the limp body of his older brother while Paddy fought the archer. 

"I don't... I don't know, we were..." Tears filled Connor's eyes and he brought his blood-covered hands close to his chest. Seamus checked Connor for wounds, the blood covering him wasn't his own (something he was both thankful for and horrified for) and he just appeared shaken up, that was one thing Seamus could feel happy about. A door behind him opened and he turned around to see the town healer, an elven woman with a blood-covered apron. Jumping up from the floor he grabbed onto her arm, struggling to a coherent sentence out.

"Where is my son? Where's Ronan? Is he alive?!" He struggled to get even that small question out, but when he did the woman just grabbed his arm and led him into the room she had just exited from.

"Lord Whitlaw, come with me. Your son was shot with an arrow according to Connor, it must've been a tipped arrow because-" "Ronan!"

He didn't mean to cut her off, but the minute he laid eyes on his son his deepest fears were confirmed and he couldn't hold himself back from running to him. Ronan's eyes slowly blinked open and a weak smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

"Da.." He whispered, reaching up for his father once he made it to the side of his bed.

"I'm here, I'm here Ronan..." Seamus said, taking Ronan's hand and his and giving it a light squeeze. "I'm here, I'm here..."

"I'm... I'm sorry dad,... I tried to protect them like you always told me to do, I tried... They were gon... They were gonna hurt Pads 'n I couldn't... Couldn't let them.." He slurred, tears filling his eyes and rolling down his cheeks.

"No, no, Ronan... You don't have to be sorry, you did everything you could, it's okay... I love you, okay? You'll be alright, you'll be okay." He assured his son, using his free hand to slide it under his head and lift him ever so slightly up. That is when he saw it, the purple growing up his neck. Like vines on the side of a cobblestone wall they slowly climbed up his neck, wiggling around like worms.

"He's, please help him! He's, I don't know but there's..." Seamus stopped when he saw the solemn look on the face of the healer.

 _"I did everything I could..."_ She said, looking down at the floor sadly.

Seamus had to physically pause, it was like he was frozen solid. The world around him went quiet and dark as he realized he'd truly be losing his child. He didn't know when she appeared but a frazzled and crying Brianna was shaking him by his arm.

"Seamus! Is he, is he breathing?! What happened?! He's bleeding, who did this?! Please, Seamus, I'm begging you, tell me you know who did this?!" She cried, tears rolling down her cheeks like running rivers, even when her mother and father died she didn't cry this hard but here she stood sobbing and wailing.

"Brianna..." He breathed out her name, shaking his head. His hand went cold and he realized Ronan was no longer holding it.

Ronan reached out for the arm of his mother, grabbing it and weakly pulling her close.

"Mom, I'm... I'm sorry, you said to be... Be careful 'n I... I'm so sorry..." Ronan whispered, looking up at his mother with his big green eyes full of fat tears, sparkling with sincere sorry even though he had truly done nothing wrong.

"Oh, my son... Ronan I, you did nothing wrong! I love you, Ronan, I love you so much, you did nothing wrong!" She choked out between sobs, holding her son's hand as tight as she could and running her free hand through his long brown hair. "Do you-" She gasped for air, her entire body shaking as she did so.

"Do you remember when you were... When you were young and we, and we'd play the piano? We'd count in elvish together, you used to get so... So angry when you messed up." She bitterly smiled. Ronan nodded his head tiredly, his eyes drooping closed. "Hay, hay Ronan please keep your eyes open. Count with me, okay? Count to nine like we used to do, ready? _One, two, three, four, five..."_ The elvish words easily rolled off her tongue, having grown up being taught the language and many others.

 _"Six, seven, eight, nine,..."_ Ronan mumbled out in elvish, the purple creeping up his neck further and further.

"Good, keep going okay? _One, two, three, four, five..."_

_"Six, seven, eight, nine..."_

"Good, you're doing good. Now, count with me, okay? _One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine..."_ Brianna had some of the most beautiful eyes Seamus had ever seen and it made him wanna puke when they widened with pure horror as Ronan's head rolled to the side, his eyes barely open and those beautiful eyes he shared with his mother losing their life. He had stopped counting.

"No, no, no... _Seven, eight, nine..._ Ronan...? Ronan?!" She reached out to lightly shake her son, fumbling for his arm to check his pulse. She dropped his hand and practically threw herself over his body.

* * *

Connor stood outside the room, his arms wrapped tight around Cara as she screamed and fought against his tight grip.

"Let me go! Connor, please! Connor! LET ME GO! Let me go to him!" She screamed, clawing at his arms and kicking to get out of his tight grip on her. Paddock stood a few feet from them, eyes wide and tears rolling down his cheeks and onto the floor. He watched his sister fight and his brother cry into her gray poncho. She had tried to run straight for the room Ronan was in, it took Connor grabbing her and pulling her onto the ground so he could hold her to stop her.

All her screaming and all her fighting stopped when a much, much louder scream of pure horror and pain echoed from the room Ronan and their parents were in.

Paddocks legs could no longer hold him and his knees buckled beneath him, grasping and clawing at his chest as his mother's loud sobbing echoed throughout the now quiet office.

"Ronan! Ronan!" Cara cried out, but all of them knew what that scream meant. You don't scream like that in joy, the cry of pure heartbreak and pain would haunt those three for the rest of their long lives. "Please... He can't be gone, Connor he can't be... Please, please..." She cried, slumping back into her twin brother's arms.

Paddy was jostled forward when strong arms wrapped around him from behind, the familiar light brown hair of Malark in the corner of his vision confirming it was his boyfriend that had wrapped himself around Paddock.

Ronan's time had run out and his soldier goodbyes run in their heads like screaming churchbells.

_They had lost him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so at the end of stay alive reprise, in the actual musical Eliza does, in fact, give this bloody murder scream of pure agony and heartbreak after Phillip dies, I HAD to include it. I had a lot of fun writing this! At first, it was a hard process, but I got the hang of it after a little while, every chapter is gonna be in the third person but who's perspective it follows will change up every chapter. 
> 
> Now, next up is "It's Quiet Uptown" which will once again make me sob while writing. I'm not emotionally prepared for this heartbreak fuckery, I swear, why do I do this to myself- Either way I hope you had as much fun reading as I did writing, cause even though I sobbed this was still fun to write.
> 
> Please tell me what you thought, now I'm off to eat and write some more!


	3. It's Quiet Uptown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Whitlaws have all locked themselves away from each other, but slowly and surely they all will work their way back together again. The heart can only last so long in its own prison before it finally realizes loving after loss isn't bad, sometimes it's just love we need to fix it in the end. With a funeral and an unintended meeting at a bench, cold hands growing warm, and walls slowly breaking down all over again for them all the puzzle pieces will slowly fall into place. It's only a matter of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HH comes into play and this chapter and I ain't even gonna make an attempt to write the accents for the Dragonborn's cause my ass can barely read what I write normally wizout vriting like zis. Pls, imagine our Mumma Hashaan with that good old Russian accent when she talks.
> 
> It's 6:38 am after an all-nighter, I don't have the energy to proofread this. I'll do it when I'm not surviving off the little amount of caffeine I get from green tea with 2 spoons of sugar. If you notice an error pls point it out and i'll fix it as soon as i can get my hands on it.
> 
> This chapter is based off of "It's Quiet Uptown" and I probably cried three or more times, I don't even know anymore they all blurred together hella quickly.

Eternal fall, eternal autumn. Bay Hallow was in an endless cycle of that beautiful season, she never knew how but she wasn't one to complain, she adored the beautiful colors of her home.

Brianna turned her attention from the outside world to the warm cup of tea in her hands, the warm liquid swirled around in the cup and she could faintly see her reflection in it. Her eyes were red and puffy from so much crying, drained of the usual light that made them appear glowing. She had dark bags under them from getting little sleep the last week, her reddish-brown hair was messy and slightly tangled from not bothering to keep it brushed.

She had cried so many tears she had run dry, emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted.

Running her thumb along the edge of the cup she let her mind wander, closing her eyes she smiled bitterly. The memory of the time Connor had gotten spooked and fell right into the china cabinet, cups, and plates coming to crash down around him. He was horrified and no one had dared to move, Cara had her hands over her mouth with eyes as wide as saucers.

She had walked in just at the right time to witness it, staring in shock at the pair. After a moment she had finally pulled herself out of that state and helped her son up without getting anyone cut on glass shards. After hearing the full story she couldn't help but laugh loud and hard, a horse had gotten away from the handler and was staring at Cara through the window and when she finally noticed she screamed "HORSE!" and scared her brother so badly he fell over and crashed into the cabinet.

She had spun around and lo and behind a horse was staring at her through the window. The entire situation was so stupid and silly she couldn't stop herself from laughing, her contagious laughter spread to her twins and it reached a point where she had to cling to a table to stop herself from hitting the ground in hysterics, a fate her wonderful pair of twins had already met.

When Ronan walked in he was so shocked and-

Brianna had physically jolted from the memory, the cup in her hands shaking wildly and spilling the tea on her dress. Hissing at the contact she threw her legs over the window sill and stood up from her seat. She placed the cup down on the window sill and quickly changed out of her now tea covered dress into one she thought was fitting. It was the same style as her usual dress, it was an a-line with long sleeves and a high collar but instead of fading to a much lighter brown with flecks of gold it transitioned to brownish-red color. She didn't bother putting on her scarf.

Her body ached from not moving around nearly as much as she should've been, jumping up from the scolding tea to change had been the swiftest she had moved since running to Ronan when he-

There was that jolt again, whenever his name came to mind it felt like something in her physically lurched forward and her heart ached.

Deciding what she needed was fresh air she made her way through the manor and towards the back, getting sad and sympathetic looks from maids or butlers hurting to see their Lady in such a sad state.

Stepping out into the garden the wind softly blew, her dress flowing with the breeze. It was quiet, she never liked the quiet. After raising children who could never stop talking, yelling, or laughing silence was a scary thing. The only time her children were quiet was when something was wrong, and right now so many things were wrong.

Strolling quietly through the beautiful garden autumn leaves fell to her feet, the scent of the beautiful chrysanthemums that had been growing for generators calming her. Not paying attention to where he feet took her she stood a little ways away from the small stone bench so many family portraits had been done. The same bench where dozens of memories had been made as well.

Standing to the right of the bench was her husband Seamus, who she had seen little if not none after the incident.

The incident, was that really what she had stooped to calling it? Refusing to remember that horrible day, the day had been so peaceful and happy aside from her eldest panic attack, why did it have to go such a horrible way? She was getting caught up in her thoughts.

Her husband had gone to bed with her that night but wasn't there when she woke up, he wasn't at breakfast (although, no one but her and Malark had arrived for breakfast) as well. Nor lunch, nor dinner, nor to join her in sleep that night. He had locked himself up in his office after that night, this had been the first time she'd seen him in quite a while.

He was just standing there. It was a sight that'd look a little strange to an onlooker, there was a perfectly good bench next to him and he chose to stand? But Brianna could understand, she too wouldn't wanna sit there.

Stepping forward she made her way to the left side of the bench, standing just the same as her husband. She knew her husband needed his space, and that little stone bench between them gave each of them enough space. Five feet of it in total.

There was silence, neither daring to speak. The only noise was the rustle of the trees as the wind blew through the branches, with each breeze leaves would fall around them and slowly descend. They continued to stand in this silence, but it began to grow uneasy. She had been the first to speak.

"It's quiet now, I never liked the quiet before." She simply said with a tired smile on her face. Seamus didn't respond, staring forward and off into thought. For a second she thought he didn't hear her till he turned to her with the same look she'd seen on his face in the past, the look of pure guilt and horror. Before she could reach out for him he was gone, rushing back inside before she could even get a sentence together.

She'd have to try again.

* * *

There are moments where words can no longer be heard, falling upon deaf ears. There are moments when all you can think of is the pain you feel, the aching and screaming internal pain. As you grow older you learn how to either hide or handle those moments, sometimes you find someone you trust, and sometimes you hide away in your mind.

Right now she had to hide that, trying to force her focus onto anything else around her.

This had been a day she couldn't even start preparing herself for. Sure, she could prepare herself physically. Her hair could be styled nicely, a dress could be made, and her make-up could be done, but she could never start to emotionally or mentally prepare herself for the pain this would bring.

Shaking her head sadly she brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear, grabbing the front of her dress delicately and pulling it up so she could walk. It was a beautiful dress, it was similar to her usual dress style was, but it faded to a very dark brown at the ends. Embroidered around the bottom were black leaves and all in all it was a beautiful dress that flowed nicely, had it not been for the fact it was made for her eldest son's funeral she'd happily wear it often.

A funeral was held nine days after his death. They didn't have family outside of their children so they opted for inviting the chosen family. that of which was already planned in the first place. Everyone who had received an invite arrived, it was cruel to skip a funeral. Paddock had invited all his friends, including the one and only Rosa Zahrandy she had heard so much about. It was because of that woman she was able to reunite with her son again. If Paddy didn't invite her she would have done it herself.

She had met everyone Paddy had invited before, many times. Yet, their kindness still surprised her. Their soft, reassuring words to her that everything would be alright and that her son was happy brought tears to her eyes, the way each one stopped and found time to hug her and apologize for her loss made her so proud that her youngest son had found these amazing people in the first place.

"I... I am deeply sorry for your loss, Lady Whitlaw. I can't begin to imagine how hard this must be, I won't act as if I do, but I know what a loss is. You raised amazing children, Ronan was a blessing. Whoever did this to your son, we will do everything in our power to figure out who did this and bring them to justice." The black Dragonborn she knew as Hashaan said to her, placing a comforting claw on her shoulder. Hashaan had been the first person to speak with her, and the tears instantly poured.

The day had gone by painfully slow, although that's how all funerals felt. Finally, it reached the time she had most feared, the burial

Seeing Ronan, her baby, in a coffin broke her heart all over again. He looked as if he was peacefully sleeping, he had been dressed and laid in a way that hid any purple marks across his skin from showing. When she got to his coffin she held his hand, his cold dead hand. The warmth that had always radiated from her elven son missing and leaving a shell. That's what she saw, a shell. This wasn't her son, her son was happily living eternity as a ghost. With their long-gone house cat and her parents, she just had to remind herself he was alright.

When his coffin was slowly lowered into the grave with magic she felt warm hands slide into hers. Glancing down her right hand was being held by her husband who had yet to shed a tear while the left was held by her daughter who silently let tears fall. In Cara's other hand was Connor, Connor had quickly wiped tears off his face and went for his younger brother's hand. Malark stood next to Paddy with sad eyes, they were glazed over with sadness but not teary. To be fair, he had confessed to her long ago he had trouble crying after constantly being trained to hide any form of pain, whether it be emotional or physical.

This was a moment where words couldn't reach her, where darkness swallowed her whole and she turned to a mere husk. Tears fell, so many tears fell, but no noise was made from her. She blankly stared as the dirt was placed over the coffin and she slowly lost sight of Ronan's body.

Ten feet under is where his body now resided.

* * *

She hadn't expected to find her husband on the left side of the stone bench again, but it wasn't like she minded joining him at the opposite end of the bench.

This time she didn't speak, fearing she'd scare him off like she had done the first time. Their silence lasted much longer this time around, standing for over forty-five minutes in the garden.

_"It is quiet now... I never liked the quiet either..."_

Seamus had been the first to speak up, staring off into nothingness. Brianna didn't know how to respond to that, what was appropriate in this situation? There was another moment of silence, much less tense than before though.

"I'm... I'm so sorry Brianna, I'm sorry for taking our son, your son, _Ronan_ , away from you. If I, if I hadn't sent them to get that stupid horse then you'd still have your son. I don't deserve you, Brianna, I'm so sorry. If I could spare his life or if there was a way I could take his place I promise you that he'd be standing here right now..." He paused, turning to face her with tears rolling down his cheeks. "And then you could smile, you could smile just like you used to."

Pain, horror, sadness, it was like a million arrows had been fired directly at her heart simultaneously, each one just as painful as the last. If Seamus took the first step, she'd have to take the second. Pulling her dress up off the ground she moved in front of the bench and sat down on it, reaching her hand out to pull Seamus down with her gently. Sliding her hand into his and squeezing it softly she let out a shaky breath.

"You did nothing wrong, you couldn't have known. I didn't wanna lose Ronan but I can't begin to imagine losing you either. We'll get through this together, I promise. You have me and I have you, we had each other for hundreds of years and we'll have each other for hundreds more." She said, leaning her head onto his shoulder. Seamus leaned his head onto hers and just for a moment nothing else mattered but the two of them sitting on that little stone bench, under that big dark tree with autumn leaves that so many memories were captured at.

Neither knew how to handle this, but they at least had each other and that itself was a blessing. And as the two walked away together, hand in hand and smiles on their faces, Brianna took a glance over her shoulder.

She'd swear on her life She saw Ronan sitting on the bench facing her with a smile, but just as quickly as he was there he vanished when she blinked. Instead of leaving her with a sad and heartbroken pit in her stomach a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. He was safe, he was alright. That's all she could have asked for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so that first scene with Brianna and Seamus standing with the bench between them, read that but imagine Ronan's crying ghost sitting in the middle between his two parents. THAT'S WHAT I WAS IMAGINING THE ENTIRE TIME I WAS WRITING, I WAS TEARING UP!! I WAS CRYING DIRECTLY INTO MY TEA TOO!!
> 
> Rosa actually plays a bigger role in the next chapter, in all actuality there's a bigger plot, not just "angst angsty angsty angst" i promise, we'll be gettin' to that soon.
> 
> i'm gonna go sleep now, please comment n tell me what you thought because that's probably the highlight of my quarantine days.

**Author's Note:**

> pls i beg u dont hate me-
> 
> The feelings Ronan has before he has the accident are all straight from my mother who died, she got better though!! She had a medical emergency in our living room while my step-father was out of the house but we got her to a hospital and she actually did die in the car. She didn't stay dead thank God we got here there just in the nick of time, but about a month after the event I talked with my mom about how she felt and she told me that day she just felt like she was running out of time the entire day so I added that for Ronan.
> 
> Next up is Stay Alive (reprise) but if you know how that song goes then you know there will be some screamin'


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